


Halloween

by Hellas_himself



Series: Crack Ship Holidays [1]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Other, cassian x feyre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 06:07:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21333490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellas_himself/pseuds/Hellas_himself
Summary: Cassian and Feyre are my ultimate crack ship after Sesshomaru and Kagome. I had wanted to write a little fic based off a song I heard and ended up with this. It's in four parts. Most likely this will span into thanksgiving, Christmas and new years because I am a sucker for holiday themed shit and last years elriel holiday fics were so much fun to do. I have to post that here, but for context, in my Elriel fics, I used my own culture and holidays (im Puerto rican) and based the Illyrians off where I'm from. I lived in the mountains as a kid. So you'll see a few Spanish words here and there so that is why.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn, Amren/Varian (ACoTaR), Andromache/Morrigan (ACoTaR), Elain Archeron/Azriel, Feyre Archeron & Cassian, Rhysand & Lucien Vanserra
Series: Crack Ship Holidays [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537876
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cassian and Feyre are my ultimate crack ship after Sesshomaru and Kagome. I had wanted to write a little fic based off a song I heard and ended up with this. It's in four parts. Most likely this will span into thanksgiving, Christmas and new years because I am a sucker for holiday themed shit and last years elriel holiday fics were so much fun to do. I have to post that here, but for context, in my Elriel fics, I used my own culture and holidays (im Puerto rican) and based the Illyrians off where I'm from. I lived in the mountains as a kid. So you'll see a few Spanish words here and there so that is why.

My cellphone falls to the floor and I groan, blindly reaching for it in the dark. Was it really five-thirty already? I tap the screen until the cursed alarm goes silent. I slide out of bed, taking the pillow and blanket with me and once my bare legs hit the cold floor, I shoot to my feet and toss my phone on the bed.

It was only October and the damned apartment was a freezer. But I have to shower; I have mascara and eye liner smeared on my face, my hair looks like a rat’s nest after all the hairspray I’d used and this dress- god this stupid dress. It belongs to Mor, but I haven’t done laundry in over a week and I needed something decent to meet them all in at the bar. It was beautiful, but it was so snug that it left marks all over my skin. And that wasn’t even counting what the strapless bra did to me.

Cursing, I shower quickly, washing my hair under cold water until it turns hot enough that I stop shivering. I blow dry my hair and pass the flat iron over it quickly before hurrying to get dressed. Mindful of where I will be today, I slide into skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. No one is going to see my Halloween socks, which is a tragedy, but at least I have my sweater. I know Mor and Nesta would look at me with disgust if they knew I hadn’t washed this sweater since the last time I’d worn it but it still had Cassian’s cologne. As did his leather jacket that he so conveniently left here after everyone had come over to play cards. 

My car takes way too long to start but luckily, I still have enough time to stop for coffee and a bagel before driving to the school. One of Cassian’s friends, another tattoo artist, has a girlfriend that teaches music there. He had mentioned to Cas that they needed an art teacher and my best friend gave them my number. I had been so nervous when he’d told me, to the point that I almost puked. But he had talked me back down to earth and drove me to meet the principal last week. And for now, it’s just volunteering, and I can live with that.

I mentally go down the list of all I have to do when I get there. I have to find and park in the visitor’s section. Go to the front office and hand in my ID and get signed in. Scope out the supplies readily available and set up shop before 9am.

The security guard eyes my bag of art supplies with amusement.

“Carrying a body in there?” he asks in a pathetic attempt at teasing. I force a laugh. If I say what I really want to say, I will ruin this and I cannot fuck this up. 

“Good morning, you must be Ms. Archeron,” the secretary says cheerfully. She wasn’t here when I came in last week.

“Is it that obvious?” I ask, reaching into my back pocket for my wallet.

She stands and leans over, as though sharing a secret. “You’ve got a bit of paint on your jeans.”

I look down. “Oh… That happens a lot.”

I set the bag down, taking my license out and sliding it towards her.

“Perfect,” she says. “I’m Briar, by the way.”

I nod, doing my best not to shove my hands into my pockets- a habit I developed thanks to Rhys.

“So, I know we asked for an hour,” Briar says, typing away at the computer. “But some parents handed their forms in late. Do you think you could stay until… eleven?”

“Uh… Yeah. Definitely.”

Briar hands me back my license and then holds out a name badge.

“I’m trying to convince the principal to do something like lanyards but for now, this is what we have.”

I put the sticker on my sweater, mindful of the sparkly bats on my chest. Then, she guides me out of the office and through several hallways until she unlocks the door to a room bigger than my apartment.

“The previous art teacher left it just like this… We’d hoped so much for her to come back, but her husband got deployed and she needed help with her kids. She moved out of state over the summer.”

I set my bag down on a table and start walking around. There was the teacher’s desk with the projector beside it. A shelf that housed various kinds of paints and two enormous paint-stained sinks. The brushes were stored in cups of all kinds, ceramic mugs and plastic cups, glass mason jars. This was heaven.

“So… I’ll leave you to it. The first class begins at 9.”

“Is there an attendance sheet or something?” I ask, suddenly remembering that there was more to this than painting.

Briar giggles, her cheeks flushing pink.

“There’s a book. But don’t worry about that today. I’ll send someone up with a sign in sheet for the kids.”

I nod, taking the leather jacket off.

“Thank you,” I say and she smiles, leaving me to my own devices.

*

The smell of barbecue is doing nothing to help how hungry I am. I step into the diner and go to my usual seat, waving at the owner who is already telling the cook that I’m here. I sit down with a long sigh, pulling my phone out and checking my messages. Two missed calls from Nesta. A text from Elain in our group chat. 57 messages in the group chat with Rhys, Lucien, Az and Cassian. I roll my eyes and ignore that. Then, there are the calls from unknown numbers, all of them within minutes of each other. I lock my phone and set it down, looking up when the bell at the door rang. My heart does leaps in my chest as Cassian looks my way, breaking into a smile as he walks over.

“Well, if it isn’t the new art teacher,” he says by way of greeting, pulling me in for a bear hug when I get to my feet.

“It was just today,” I remind him, “And hello to you, too.”

He flicks my nose before sitting down across from me. He smirks when he notices that I’m wearing his jacket. He takes off his own and rolls up the sleeves to his shirt. 

“How did it go?” he asks, adjusting his watch.

“It was… terrifying.” He raises a brow but I smile. “Kids are fucking scary, Cas… And being responsible for 20 of them at once is just…”

“A nightmare?”

“A dream.”

Cas snorts.

“It’s been too long, Cas. I feel out of practice… But I started them with color theory and having them paint their own wheels… The second class was even bigger and it was just so much fun.”

Cassian is still smiling and I blush, grateful that our food is being placed before us.

“I haven’t seen you smile this much in a while, bunny.”

“I was smiling last night,” I quip, and happily reach for my strawberry milkshake.

“You were drunk.”

“All the same.”

Cassian would normally push the subject, I know, but he only has an hour and a half before he has to go back to the shop. And between proving a point and eating lunch, food will win every time. 

“This isn’t over,” he says, stuffing fries into his mouth.

*

I toss my keys on the little table in the entrance hallway, kicking off my boots as I walk into the apartment. I set my bag down on the floor before I walk across the carpet to open the blinds. I look around the living room and internally kick myself for forgetting that my sisters are coming over today. Last weekend’s beer cans and empty boxes of pizza are still littering the floor and coffee table. Someone’s bra is hanging over the arm rest. Rhys managed to leave his socks under my couch, and as I pick them up, I make a mental note to bring up a ‘strip poker laundry basket’ for them to deposit their clothes when we play. I grab the bra and realize that it’s mine.

I start a load of laundry and wash all the dishes in the sink and around the apartment. Once I finish with that, I take out the trash which required two trips. When I get back to my apartment, I wash my hand and burn incense- dragon’s blood, Cassian’s favorite. I vacuum the carpet and sweep the entrance hall and kitchen but don’t bother mopping. The bathroom is miraculously clean, but my bed is a disaster. The fitted sheet is beginning to come off but I hear the doorbell and leave it alone, tying up my hair as I go to answer it.

“I thought you stopped smoking,” Nesta says as I kiss her cheek.

“I did.”

“Then what’s with the incense.”

“The neighbor was cooking fish again,” I lie, but it’s happened enough that Nesta easily believes me.

“Elain is stopping to bring dinner after she leaves work.”

“Are you thirsty?”

Nesta sets her purse and keys on the counter, shrugging off her trench coat. She looks as flawless as always.

“Feyre, we know that you haven’t gone for groceries in weeks.”

“But I have water.” I sound pathetic, but I am not going to tell her that I went food shopping and brought everything to Cassian’s house. He’s the better cook and I would rather drive to see him every night than burn dinner at home. I was never here as it was.

“We had a luncheon meeting, I’m alright for now.”

She sits down on the barstool and looks me up and down. I have paint on my jeans and shirt, and I’m still wearing my purple sweater with the bats tied around my waist. When I see her eye my socks, I start walking.

“I taught at the school this morning,” I say as I grab my bag off the floor. I bring it to the kitchen and start pulling out the palettes and brushes I want to thoroughly clean.

“Did you like it?”

“I did, honestly.”

For once, she doesn’t roll her eyes when I set the palettes in the sink. I turn on the water, grabbing the sponge set aside for my art supplies and the soap.

“And what did the school think?”

I blush at this. Nesta doesn’t do well with unknowns.

“Briar, the secretary, she says she’ll call me once she hears something,” I say, and before she can scowl, I add, “But the principal seemed really happy with what we did. They asked me to stay an extra hour… It was a lot of fun.”

“And if they ask you to come back, will you take the job?”

“It’s not a job, Nes… But I mean, if it came to that, of course.”

“You turned down teaching jobs to work at that bar and look how that turned out.”

“I was depressed, Nesta. Cut me some fucking slack.”

“You can’t expect Cassian to keep saving your ass, Feyre.”

“I don’t expect anything from anyone. Least of all Cassian.”

“It’s almost been a year –”

I set the palette in the drying rack a little harder than I mean to.

“Did you write that down in your calendar so you can remind me that Tamlin left? I know how long it’s been Nesta.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You can’t depend on Cassian forever.”

“Why do you hate him so much? He is always there for me- something you can’t say. Honestly, sometimes I have no idea what he saw in you.”

“I told him I was sorry.”

“You broke his heart and have the nerve to bitch about what he does for me. I love you, Nesta, but give me a fucking break.”

*

I am almost glad that Elain cancelled dinner. Nesta had left once I refused to listen to her empty apologies. But now, I’m hungry. And alone. _You can’t expect Cassian to keep saving your ass, Feyre. _I laugh at myself; my thumb is hovering over the voice call button under Cassian’s name. My eyes burn with tears and my throat feels like it is closing up. Did Nesta not understand how much I hated the fact that I’ve had to ask any of them for help?

I toss my phone across the sofa, hating that I am crying. Hating that almost a year has passed and my life is no better than it was when Tamlin left. Hating that Nesta seems to forget that she was able to finish college because I was the one working my ass off to keep _us_ afloat. Hating that I’d let Tamlin convince me to leave my job- _my career_\- just to leave _me_.

I breathe in deeply, letting it out as I press my fingers against my eyes. I know that I can’t drive like this. With a sniffle, I get my jacket and boots on. The more I move, the less I cry, and by the time I make it down the stairs, I only have a stuffy nose.

The owner of the corner store gives me a sympathetic smile when they see me walk in. I can’t return it, but I wave, going right to the fridge. I grab a beer, ignoring Nesta’s voice in my head, telling me how irresponsible this was. I grab another one just to shut her up.

“Your usual?” he asks as I near the counter.

“Uh… No. Surprise me.”

Tamlin and I would come here every few nights, always getting the same thing. I’m not sure what’s for dinner tonight, but I see him throw a soda and bag of chips in the bag and decide that I’m perfectly fine with that. I pay in cash and wish him a good night, hurrying back to my apartment.

I put on a game show and sit down on the sofa, taking everything out of the bag. Before I open the Styrofoam container, someone starts knocking on my door. I don’t have to ask who it is, but I am still caught off guard to find Cassian standing outside, holding a bag of take out.

“Cas… Hey.”

“Your phone dead?” he asks as I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and let him in.

“No… I went up the street.”

He sets his bag next to my food and sits down, taking off his jacket and tossing it.

“Az told me Ellie had to cancel dinner with you,” he says as he starts to take his food out of the bag. He grabs one of my beers and opens it. “Iliana got sent home sick from school.”

“Oh… What about Val?”

“I dropped him off at Rhysand’s before coming here.”

I make a face. “Stupid apartment and its stupid dog rules.”

“What’s for dinner?” he asks as I sit beside him.

“I don’t really know,” I reply. “I told him to surprise me.”

Cassian takes a drink of his beer and chuckles.

“Well. I’ve got Chinese.”

It’s a sandwich, that much I know. A sandwich Cassian tries to take the moment I hold it out to him.

“Bunny, _please_.”

“What is it?” I ask again, holding the sandwich up and away from him.

“It’s a tripleta. Chicken, beef, and pork with cheese and those potato chip fries. And the mayo-ketchup. I haven’t had one in forever! I’ll give you anything!”

I start laughing, as if I would ever say no to him.

“We’ll split it,” I say, laughing some more when he hugs me tight.

Cassian changes the channel to watch one of our favorite crime shows. I take my boots off and sit cross legged. He smiles when he sees the little ghosts on my socks and reaches down to pull his jeans up to show me that he’s wearing the exact same ones.

After we eat, I bring the empty containers to the garbage and come back to find Cassian sprawled out on the sofa. When he sees me, he holds out his arms to me and I walk over, letting him pull me into his arms. I rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes.

“Rhys says hello… He misses you.”

I giggle. “As if he didn’t freeze my phone texting us so many times.”

Cassian holds me a little tighter as he chuckles.

“You know how he gets when he thinks he’s being ignored.”

“He’s a brat.”

He laughs. “You’re telling me.”

I stretch out a bit and Cassian places one hand on the small of my back, the other on my arm where he begins to trace his fingers up and down bare skin.

“You alright?” he asks quietly. I don’t say anything at first but then I shake my head.

“I’m stuck,” I whisper. “What is wrong with me, Cas?”

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

The way he says it makes me want to believe him.

“What did Nesta say to you?” he asks and I sigh. “You only ever get like this when you talk to her.”

I cross my arms, resting my head against them to be able to look at him.

“She just… It’s been almost a year. And nothing has changed.”

“You really believe that?”

When I don’t answer, Cassian sighs. 

“Last November, you couldn’t leave your bed. You didn’t eat. You didn’t even talk. You taught classes today, Feyre- you would have never let yourself even think of such a thing before.”

He’s right- I know that he’s right, but it doesn’t stop me from crying again. When I get up, Cassian follows suit and simply pulls me into his lap, cradling me against him.

“Things like this take time,” he says. “And I’m going to be there, for as long as it takes. You know that, right?”

“I can’t expect that of you,” I say before I can stop myself and Cas goes still.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“I’m sorry… She just really got to me.”

“What did she say?”

Once I repeat her words, I feel completely ashamed of myself. I want the earth to swallow me whole when Cassian curls a finger under my chin and makes me look up at him.

“I love you, Feyre Archeron. And I don’t give a fuck what your sister thinks. You are my best friend, just because she refuses to lend you a hand, doesn’t mean that everyone else has to.” He brushes the tears away and tucks an errant lock of hair behind my ear.

“I love you, too.”

He presses a kiss to my forehead and I close my eyes, letting out a sigh. 

“I’m always gonna be here for you, bunny.”

When he kisses me, I practically melt in his arms, but I still pull away.

“Cassian, you know I’m no good for you,” I say.

“If you weren’t good for me,” he says as his hands slide to my waist. “I wouldn’t be here.”

It’s a lie, we both know. So I kiss him, adjusting myself to straddle his lap. 

“If we’re going to hurt… might as well be with each other, right?” I say, and he chuckles.

“Don’t use my own words against me.”

I kiss him, reaching back to untie his hair.

“Just this once,” I say in a terrible imitation of his voice. I run my fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes. He sighs, and the smile that blossoms on his face gives me butterflies.

When he opens his eyes, he smirks; he’s caught me staring.

“Hey, the second time was your doing,” he quips, tugging on the hem of my shirt and pulling up. I lift my arms and laugh as he tries to mimic me. “This time and no more.”

“What can I say? You make me feel alive,” I declare, blushing suddenly. I did not mean to say that out loud. Cassian pauses his attempt at undoing the hooks of my bra. I have no idea how to turn my words into a joke. 

“Alive, huh?” he says softly. “That makes two of us.”

I don’t believe either of us are ready to unpack any of that. So I put my hands on his face and kiss him, and Cassian abandons my bra to slide his hands down to grab my ass. I shriek when he stands up, taking me with him.

“Asshole!” I shout, Cassian laughing as he walks towards my bedroom. He tosses me on the bed, walking over to turn a light on. When he turns to come back to me, I toss a pillow at him.

“Don’t start,” he warns, trying not to smile.

“Make me.”

Cassian chuckles at that and climbs on the bed, grabbing my ankle and pulling to him. He starts tickling me, and I have no strength to grab the other pillow and hit him with it.

“Stop it!” I managed to say through laughter.

“Make me,” Cassian says, mimicking me. But he still stops, grabbing me by the waist as he moves to lay on his back. My heart tightens in my chest at how light his eyes are. I reach out to brush his hair away from his eyes, then to trace the contours of his face.

“Plan on painting me?” he asks, smiling.

“Do you want me to?” I am out of breath.

Cassian traces his fingers up my spine and unhooks my bra.

“Not yet,” he replies and I laugh, leaning down to kiss him.


	2. Part Two

Cassian walks into the kitchen as he ties up his hair. He smiles as I hold out a cup of coffee to him.

“Good morning,” he says, leaning down to kiss me. He takes the cup as he pulls away.

“Morning.”

“Az called me when I got out of the shower. He’s staying home with Iliana so Elain can go back to work.”

“So, early day?”

He nods, taking a sip of his coffee before opening my fridge.

“Bunny…”

“I didn’t know you were staying the night!”

He shakes his head and closes the door.

“Wanna come to work with me? We can stop for breakfast.”

“Let me change,” I say, looking down at my clothes which is nothing more than his shirt.

“I mean… I wouldn’t mind,” he says as I walk past him. He slaps my ass when I flip him off. 

I put on a black skater dress with ripped tights. I find the socks covered in skeletons and tombstones before going after his leather jacket and my boots. I grab my messenger bag and make sure my sketchbook and pencils are in it before throwing my phone and wallet inside.

“Ready?” he asks and I nod. The way he’s looking at me makes me blush.

Downstairs, Cassian opens the door to his truck and takes me by the waist and hauls me up, saving me the embarrassment of trying to climb into the damn thing with a dress on. It’s an effort not to think much of the way his hands linger on my thighs as I pull my bag off and set it down.

Cassian lets me pick the music for the drive to the shop but we love the same music, so he doesn’t complain when I find the playlist we have been working on for the Halloween party next week. We sing along to a few songs until we stop at the café for breakfast. We take our order to go and hurry back to the truck.

I hold our food while Cassian unlocks and pushes up the storefront gate. I’ve been here many times and it still throws me off when I see the graffiti on the wall that he and I had done when he first bought the space. Cassian keeps pictures and discarded tattoo ideas on the walls in the break room. I love them all but two of them are my favorite: One is of all of us together shortly after Elain and Azriel got married. She’d gotten her first tattoo that day, the start of the half sleeve she now has of watercolor flowers[[LS1]](https://hellas-himself.tumblr.com/post/188776359714/crack-ship-holidays#_msocom_1) . The second is the day he adopted Valo. We’re sitting down with Val in my arms and Cassian has an arm around my shoulder. It was your typical post adoption picture taken at any animal shelter, the kind that gets posted on their social media for all the world to see and I love it. 

“I have a few scheduled sessions today,” Cassian says, bringing me from my thoughts. “It’s his day off, but Rhys is going to come by and take care of any walk ins.”

“I could watch Iliana for them,” I find myself saying. “It’s not like I’m doing anything.”

Cassian looks at me funny before stealing bacon off my plate.

“Bullshit. You’re helping me out today.”

“Doing what?”

When he grins, I already know and I groan.

“I hate you,” I say and reach over and take his bagel.

“You weren’t saying that last night,” he teases and I know I’m blushing.

“Fuck you, Cassian.”

“Here? I think that’s an OSHA violation-” Cassian laughs, even as I kick him under the table.

*

There are very few things I hate in this world, and answering phones is up there. But for Cassian, I suck it up. I get to sketch in between calls, and greet those who walk in. Rhys shows up and it’s as if he hasn’t seen me in years with the way he hugs me.

“Ignore him,” Lucien says as he comes to give me a kiss. “He went jogging with Valo this morning _and_ had way too much sugar with his coffee.”

Lucien doesn’t stay long. But he does promise to come by for lunch and bring us all food. With Cassian and Rhys busy working, the group chat is silent. I text Elain to ask about Iliana and I’m surprised when she responds.

_She’s still got a fever and if she throws up again Az is going to have to take her to the doctor. _

_I can help, you know. _

_I know, Feyre… But Nesta mentioned that job and I didn’t want to bother you. _

_It’s NOT a job… Just volunteering for now. Until then… I guess I’m answering phones for Cassian._

I watch the dots appear and disappear as Elain tries to respond. I want to call Nesta and tear her a new one, but it would be pointless and I can’t give her the satisfaction in knowing she’s pissed me off.

_I can’t believe her!!!!! Well… I’ll be sure to tell Az that Cassian is torturing you. Rhys and Lucien watched Iliana for our date night last weekend… You can be next. ; )))))_

*

It’s almost dinner time, but Cassian is still working on his last client. He’s almost done. I can hear Lucien and Rhys talking amongst themselves, but I don’t pay much attention. There’s something soothing, hypnotic almost, in watching Cassian work. It’s almost as if I am looking at myself when I’m painting or lost in a sketch. I cannot understand how Tamlin had watched me paint for hours and didn’t feel what I feel watching Cassian. Tamlin would leave my apartment in a shit mood or start bitching about being ignored. Cassian always looks at me in awe when I’m done with a piece. No matter how simple it is.

Rhys and Lucien leave once the client is having Cas take pictures of their tattoo. I get called over to look at it and like always, I’m blown away by his work. The contrast in his shading is impeccable and when I tell him so, Cassian actually blushes.

I help him clean up and notice the picture on the wall behind his table. It’s of me with Val at the park. I remember that, Cassian had taken the picture. There are other pictures of his brothers and our friends but mine is slightly set apart. I don’t say anything about it- in all the years I was with Tamlin, I never had his picture on my desk at work. But Cassian? My students used to think he was ‘Ms. Archeron’s special friend’. I smile just thinking about it.

Cassian lets me lock the door and the storefront gate. He throws an arm around me as we walk to his truck.

“Dinner at my place?” he asks as he opens the door for me.

I nod as he lifts me up by the waist and sets me down in the truck. He flashes me a smile before closing the door and I buckle up while he walks around to the driver’s side. The drive to his house doesn’t take long and once he parks the truck, I can hear Valo barking.

Valo nearly knocks me down when Cassian opens the door.

“Hi, baby,” I say. Valo is almost as tall as I am, taller if he gets on his hindlegs.

Cassian whistles once he’s got the lights on and Val runs after him.

“Happy to see mommy, huh?” Cassian asks. “She’s so much prettier than uncle Rhysie, right?”

I laugh when Valo barks. I lock the door and hang my bag on the closet door before going outside. Valo is running around while Cassian texts Rhys his thanks for watching him. I walk down the porch steps and call Val over. I run around the yard with him until Cassian calls him back inside. He’s smirking when I walk up the stairs.

“You can’t just get me a dog to say sorry,” he says playfully, poorly imitating me.

“Okay, okay. It worked. But you didn’t adopt him until you got the house, so I had many years to get over it.”

“Uh huh. Whatever you say, bunny.”

I smack his arm and go inside. We take off our jackets and boots and I offer to bring them to the closet in the entrance hall so he can get a head start on dinner. When I go to the kitchen, Val is curled up on the floor watching Cas walk around. As usual, I help him with dinner prep but he handles the rest. I use that time to sketch, sitting on the floor and leaning back against the cabinet. Valo comes to cuddle next to me.

“He was so little when he came home,” I say softly, reaching out to pet him. Cassian looks back and just smiles.

We eat dinner in the dining room and Valo is falling asleep under the table. I offer to wash dishes when we’re done, but Cassian insists on doing it himself. But I’m just as stubborn as he is, so we end up working together.

“Hey, so do you want to stay a bit longer or want to head home?” Cassian asks as I hand him the last dish.

“Uh… Whatever you want. I can take a cab home so you don’t have to leave again.”

Cassian makes a face. “Why? I don’t mind.”

I clean my hands and rinse them off. He hands me a paper towel.

“Cas… You already stayed out because of me. I don’t want Val to start tearing the house apart.”

“He’s been outside plenty today, and he can come in the truck. It’s really not a big deal, bunny.”

I sigh. “Why don’t we finish that episode… Mor’s been bugging me about it.”

“I’ll take you home after?”

I roll my eyes and toss my paper towel at him.

“Yeah, Cas.”

*

“If you get bored tomorrow… Come by work,” Cas says as he parks his truck in front of my building.

“So I can answer your phone?”

“I was going to say to spend your day with your best friend, but sure. That works, too.”

I laugh. “I’ll think about it.”

I give Valo kisses as I wait for Cas to walk around the truck and help me out. It happens way too soon. Cassian’s hands linger on my waist once he sets me down.

“Let me know when you get home,” I say and he nods, looking over at Val who’s already whining. “Daddy isn’t leaving you, Val. I won’t keep him from you.”

Cassian has a stupid smirk when I look back at him.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But you’re thinking it.”

Cassian pulls me in for a hug.

“I’ll call you when I get to the house.”

“Drive safe.”

Cassian kisses me and I want so badly to tell him to stay. But Val keeps whining and we both sigh. He gives me one more kiss before he walks away. I close the passenger door while he gets into the driver’s seat. Once he’s in, he starts the engine and I hurry upstairs. Cassian won’t leave until I turn the light on of my bedroom, something he does even if he walks me to the door.

Once I hear him drive off, I drop my bag on the floor and let out a sigh.

I’m getting out of the shower when Cassian calls me. I put him on speaker while I find something to wear.

“I’m home,” he says and I know that he’s stretching.

“Did he calm down?” I ask and I hear Cas chuckle.

“No,” he says, clearly teasing. “He misses you too much.”

“Well I always miss him when I’m here… And you, too.”

Cassian doesn’t say anything and I mentally curse myself. I settle on a pair of red plaid, flannel pajama pants and a worn-out t-shirt. I tie my hair up in a messy bun and shut off my bedroom light.

“I found your Iron Maiden shirt,” I say as I climb into bed. I set the phone on my chest once I’m under the covers. I hear when Cassian gets into bed, and when Valo jumps in with him. When I’m there, Val sleeps at our feet. When I’m there, I don’t have to lay awake in bed wishing I wasn’t by myself. Wishing I was with them.

“Fallin’ asleep on me, bunny?”

“No, that must be Val you feel on top of you.”

He chuckles. Then it gets quiet again.

“Hey, bunny?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

I hear him sigh and I can picture him running his fingers through his hair.

“I always miss you when you’re not here, too.”

*

Mor makes an unholy sound as she takes the first sip of her coffee. I hold the door for her as she walks out of the café. We are walking through town, intent on finding our Halloween costumes. Last minute, like every year. I use my straw to shake up my iced coffee and take a sip. Mor looks at me funny and I roll my eyes.

“So, what’s up with you and Cassian?” she asks as we cross the street.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you still fucking?”

“Christ, Mor!”

She laughs and loops her arm in mine.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

I know I’m blushing, which is stupid.

“Why?” I ask. I notice where we are and if we walk another block and make a right, I’ll see Cassian’s truck outside of the shop.

“What do you mean why? How long has this been going on? Six months? More?”

“Since New Year’s,” I say before I can stop myself. “I didn’t tell _you_ until like… the second time it happened.”

“And that’s it?”

“No… Should something be different?”

Mor sighs as the thrift store comes into view.

“You haven’t wanted… more? Or are you two still playing the ‘this means nothing’ card.”

“That was in the beginning,” I say as we enter the store. A red gown catches Mor’s eye. “But… it’s not nothing.”

“What changed?”

I shrug but notice she’s not even looking at me.

“I don’t know…”

Mor pulls the gown off the rack and purses her lips.

“Dammit. This would only fit Amren.” She puts it back and I follow her down the aisle. “Is Cas still planning on being Khal Drogo?”

I giggle. “I ordered the body paint like last month.”

“Why aren’t you dressing up as Daenerys then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Listen… Last year you convinced him to be Dracula and you were Mina.”

“We weren’t involved last year.”

“Not physically.” Mor hands me her coffee to look through the racks faster. “Tamlin was so pissed off that you still came to the party without him.”

“Why was I going to miss out because he was being an ass?”

“Not to mention the fact that you didn’t want to dress up with him.”

“He wanted me to dress up as a fucking fairytale princess.”

Mor laughs. “Your default picture until Christmas was of you and Cassian dressed up. And you only changed it because I got Valo that cute little santa outfit. Otherwise, I bet it would’ve stayed the same.”

“Not true. There were so many nice pictures of us that night the guys took us ice skating.”

Mor winces. “Don’t remind me.”

“You got a girlfriend out of it.”

“Yes, but having to wear that boot for three weeks was a nightmare.”

“Why aren’t you two dressing up as a doctor and nurse?”

When Mor blushes, I already know and I cackle.

“Don’t tell me you and Cas don’t _dress up_.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“That’s not an answer.”

I drink my coffee and Mor’s eyes go wide.

“Tell me.”

“Why?”

“Indulge me.”

I groan and look around. There’s hardly anyone else here.

“So… It wasn’t planned. You remember Viviane’s costume party? For her birthday?”

“Where Cas showed up like a football player and you-” Mor throws her head back laughing. “Oh my god. You wore your fucking cheerleader outfit from senior year.”

I regret every word that comes out of my mouth.

“You know Cassian makes everything into a joke,” I say, running my fingers through my hair. “So I teased him back and it was just…”

“You’re blushing! What did he say?”

“Nothing I will ever repeat.”

Mor laughs until she chokes on air and takes many sips of her coffee.

“Dress up as Daenerys. I’ll do your hair. Make up. Just, indulge me.”

“What if it puts him off?”

“Feyre… If Cassian hauled your ass into one of Viviane’s guestrooms then, I don’t see why he wouldn’t do the same now.”


	3. Part Three

“There,” I say as I step back and look at the mirror I hung up. I hated the damn thing, every year he put it up and every year I jumped when something else appeared in my reflection, but Cassian wanted a haunted house… So that’s what he got. We spent the entire night before decorating, but I still have one more thing to do. 

I walk outside to the backyard where Cassian is finishing up with the tables and chairs.

“Hey, I’m all done,” I say and Cas sets the last chair down and smiles.

“Yeah?”

“So… I have to go get dressed.”

“The sun isn’t even down, bunny.”

“I know but Mor-”

“You’re leaving?” He looks so mortified I feel bad. I take his hand in mine and sigh.

“I’ll be back. I promise. We’ll both be ready before anyone shows up. I’ll help you with the paint and all that.”

He says goodbye- albeit begrudgingly, and I head out before Valo notices.

*

Mor is way too happy when I get to her house. Her hair is up in rollers and she’s dressed in a short white robe.

“Does he suspect anything?”

“We didn’t really have time to talk about that.”

“Christ, you two are like-”

“Don’t fucking say it. We were decorating.”

“Whatever you say, _bunny_.”

Mor shrieks and runs off before I can swat her arm.

After I shower, I walk into Mor’s room in one of her pretty robes. She looks like she’s up to no good.

“So your costume isn’t here yet,” she says as I sit on her vanity chair.

“What?”

“It’ll be here soon. Promise. Your make up is going to be easy,” she says and she grabs her tablet off the vanity table to show me. “We’ll be done quick. Then I can focus on your hair.”

*

“Darlings! I’m home!” I hear Rhys shout and I glare at Mor through the mirror.

“_Rhys_?”

“Where else can we get a season one Dany outfit on such short notice that looks like the real thing?”

“But he’s had like what, two days?”

Mor smiles as a knock comes to her bedroom door.

“I told him what Cassian was going to be weeks ago.”

“And what if I said no to Daenerys?”

“I’m always prepared, Feyre, darling,” she says in perfect imitation of her cousin. “Rhys, the door is open!”

Her cousin steps in and he immediately notices my hair. He grins.

“You’re exquisite, Feyre.”

I blush. “Thank you.”

“I stopped by your apartment for your boots,” he says, holding them up before he pinches my cheek. He sets the black dressing bag on her bed and unzips it. “The dragon brooch I did not make but it was too easy to find. I used leftover faux leather from Cassian’s costume to finish that bit that goes over your pants. Don’t worry about the wraps for the hands. They’re more like gloves made to look like you sat there and wrapped your hands in leather.”

“Rhys…” I get up and stand beside him. “This is too much.”

“Nonsense, darling. It was good practice.”

“So… with the wig…”

“The top zips up in the back. The pants are more like leggings. So it’s all stretchy.”

“You’re the best.”

“Thank you, darling.”

Mor steals her cousin away, ordering me to change.

I can’t wear a bra with this top but Rhys is a godsend and lined it with a soft fabric. The pants are so form fitting I’m glad I brought two different sets of underwear to choose from.

“Holy shit,” Mor says as she walks into the room and mockingly gets on one knee. “Khaleesi.”

“Shut up,” I say but find myself laughing. Mor gets up and motions for me to twirl, which I do.

“Get out of here,” she says, giving me a tight hug. “I’m sure your Khal is waiting.”

*

I unlock the door to Cassian’s house and step inside, sighing with relief to be away from the cold. Valo comes running to me and I laugh, scratching behind his ears. I send him off playing with one of his toys. I take off Cassian’s jacket and hang it in the closet before I look for him. He isn’t outside, but I see the lights are going and the smoke machine is on.

The door to his room is open and I hear him muttering curses. I step inside and set my bag on the floor.

“Need help?” I ask and Cassian jumps, turning around. His eyes are wide as he takes me in and I start blushing. I avert my gaze to see the brush and paint in his hands.

“Give me that,” I say and walk over to him. Cas relinquishes both brush and paint but he’s still just staring at me.

“Your hair,” he says softly and I laugh as I open the paint and set the lid down on his dresser. The water bottle and cup I left for this exact purpose is untouched.

“It’s a wig. Sit down.”

Cassian sits down on his bed while I activate the paint with water. I stand between his legs and begin to lightly mark where I have to paint and ensure they’re even on both sides. Cassian’s hands settle on my waist and I giggle when he brushes his thumbs across my skin.

While I begin to paint the left side of his chest and shoulder, he uses his right hand to reach up and twirl a strand of loose curls. I already see the question in his eyes and I laugh.

“Do you know how much work it would take to maintain this color?”

“It’d be worth it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Carefully, I slide out of my boots and climb on the bed to sit behind him. I begin to paint the lines that go down his back and I notice him watching me through the mirror.

“You sure I shouldn’t have covered up my tattoos?”

“For what? This is decorative. And I like your tattoos too much to hide them.”

*

Elain and Azriel are the first to arrive. My sister has brought cookies and cupcakes, and Azriel is carrying an entire cake. They’re dressed up as Prince Eric, Ariel and Melody. Elain has a red wig on styled perfectly but Iliana doesn’t need one. Her black hair is up in a pony tail, and the crown Elain made is identical to the one from the movie. 

“Auntie Feyre,” Iliana says as she picks at her salmon pink dress, “Are you matching my tio? Daddy told mommy that you are.”

“Uh… Yeah, my costume is from the same show as his. Just like you’re matching your mom and dad.”

“Does that mean you’re married?”

I nearly drop the tray of cupcakes. Iliana smiles, reminding me of Azriel when he was up to no good.

“Lia, let’s get going,” Elain says as she walks in from the back porch. “Daddy’s waiting for us outside.”

“I’ll see you later,” Iliana says to me as she slides off her chair. I set down the tray and kneel down to hug her. Loudly, she whispers, “Daddy says I can stay up late because we’re having a sleepover with you and tio.”

I look up at Elain who just smiles.

“Then I’ll be sure to hide some candy for you. We’ll sneak out and share.”

I walk them out and bring the big bucket of candy to leave outside on the doorstep. Az gives me a knowing smile before he takes Iliana’s hand and walks to the neighbor’s house.

*

Cassian is taking shots with the boys when I walk outside. It’s too cold for this outfit but I’ve had enough whiskey that I’m a little warm.

“Jalan atthirari anni!” Cassian shouts when he sees me. I barely have a second to think before he’s got me by the hips and lifts me up. “I missed you.”

“You’re such a dork,” I said which only makes him laugh. “Having fun, my sun and stars?”

“Yeah, but it’ll be better now.”

The way he smiles at me makes me want to kiss him. Badly. But a bright flash interrupts us and we turn to find Mor holding out her phone.

“Perfect!” she says and goes off to pester Rhys and Lucien, who are dressed as Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. It doesn’t dawn on me that she’s dressed as a femme Draco until Andromache walks by as Hermione.

Cassian puts me down and takes my hand, leading me to the drinks. We take a shot and then another before I hear his name being called. We turn to see Amren on the porch, leaning on her sword while she talks to a very tall man with silver hair. There’s a beautiful woman beside him who reaches out to touch the pauldrons of Amren’s Mulan costume.

“Oh, shit,” Cas says excitedly, and takes my hand. “Come on.”

I let him lead me to them and I am taken aback by this woman’s eyes and the tattoos on the man’s face.

“Rowan! You made it!” Cassian says, letting me go to shake hands with Rowan before the two embrace.

“Amren was just telling us how she and your brother made it together,” the woman says.

“Oh, yeah. Rhys. He made our costumes this year,” Cas says and casually points over to where Rhys is, “dueling” with Mor. Cassian sighs. The woman fixes her turquoise and gold gaze on me and holds out her hand[[LS1]](https://hellas-himself.tumblr.com/post/188789295649/crack-ship-holidays#_msocom_1) .

“Since these two have no manners, I’m Aelin,” she says as we shake hands. I laugh.

“Feyre.”

“Oh! Our hopefully new art teacher!”

“You’re Ms. Galathynius? I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you that day, to say thank you.”

“It’s perfectly fine.”

Aelin loops her arm in mine and flashes me a smile that tells me she and Rhys are going to get along far too well.

“Have fun boys,” she says. “My new friend is going to show me around.”

Rowan claps Cassian on the arm and I barely manage a wave before Aelin is leading me off.

I introduce her to Rhys and Lucien, to Mor and Andromache. Nearly everyone. Amren and Varian knew her already, as did Azriel and Elain. Kallias somehow had met Rowan before but Thesan was friends with someone named Manon who knew them all. I didn’t ever get a real chance to know any of Tamlin’s friends so this was nice. Being around Cassian’s friends who he’d made on his own, separate from Rhys and Az, made me feel something I didn’t have a word for.

The living room is packed with people dancing but it’s not hard to find Cassian or Rowan. Aelin lights up at the sight of him.

“It was so hard to convince him to dress up as assassins,” she says. “Boring old buzzard… If he had his way, we would be home sleeping.”

“You guys look amazing.”

“So do you! I was Dany last year but season 7. Rowan made the perfect Jon with how cranky he always is.”

“Did you go to Mor’s party?”

“No… My best friend Elide had her house warming party else I would’ve gone. Cassian talks about you all so much, it’s nice to finally put faces to names. _Especially_ you.”

She winks at me.

Aelin jumps on Rowan’s back when we make it to them. Even though he curses, he still holds her up.

“Let’s dance old man,” she says and plants a kiss to his cheek. He walks off, still carrying her on his back.

“Wanna dance?” Cassian asks me and I smile.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

*

I’ve got the cabinet open when Cassian walks into the kitchen.

“Hey, I hope you’re not trying to clean. I’m leaving that shit for tomorrow.”

I laugh and take a shot glass out of the cabinet.

“I wanted a drink.”

Cassian stands behind me and places his hands on my hips and leans over as I grab the bottle of tequila. There are limes in the glass bowl we had set out earlier in the day. I’m surprised there are any left.

“Did you have fun tonight?” I ask him.

“Yeah… I’m… I’m really glad you got to meet Ro and Aelin.”

“So am I.”

He rests his chin on my head and I sigh.

“Sleepy?” I ask him and he chuckles.

“No… But I’m wasted, bunny.”

“No more ‘moon of my life’?” I tease. “I was liking that.”

“Yeah?”

I nod, pouring my tequila in the glass cup.

“Where’s the salt?”

“It’s just for me and the bowl’s all out.” I point at the now empty bowl.

Cassian lets me go and grabs the salt from the cabinet. I watch him roll a lime on the counter before finding a knife and cutting it into fours. He puts salt in his left hand, avoiding the leather wrapped around his palm, and goes to sprinkle it on the back of his right hand but it clings to his fingertips. He tries to shake it off but I grab his wrist.

“Hold still,” I say and lick the salt off his fingers. It’s hard not to blush with the way he’s looking at me. When I’m done, I take hold of his hand and take the shot. I give him a grin.

He pins me against the kitchen counter when he kisses me. He takes the glass from my hand and I hear it against the marble counter. I get on my tip toes and Cassian chuckles and holds me against him.

“I’ve wanted to do this all night,” he says as I place my hands on his chest.

“Why didn’t you?”

He kisses my neck and I hate how I dread the answer.

“Cas?”

He stops kissing me and hauls me onto the counter. He places his hands on my thighs.

“I… I wasn’t sure if you would be okay with that.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Cassian shrugs.

Smiling, I run my fingers through his hair before I kiss him. I feel him wrap his arms around me and I twine my fingers in his hair. Cassian swiftly holds me against him, my legs wrapped around him as he walks to his room. He kicks the door closed before setting me down.

I help him out of that heavy belt before he’s trying to figure out how to take off my top. I laugh and reach back to pull on the zipper, letting Cassian do the rest. We undress in a hurry, moving closer to the bed until I’m completely bare and the back of my legs hit the bed. He pushes me and I laugh as I fall back on the bed and kick him away before moving further up the bed. I lay back against the pillows and reach for him as he settles himself between my legs. 

There’s something different in the way Cassian kisses me. In the way he touches me. As if I were something not entirely fragile, but precious, maybe. I’ve never felt this close to anyone, and the intensity of it would have scared me once- but this is Cassian. I don’t have to be afraid of anything anymore, not with him. So I surrender to this moment, to these feelings that I’ve been so afraid to acknowledge. I surrender myself entirely to Cassian.

I don’t know why there are tears in my eyes when we’re done but Cassian kisses them anyway. I’m afraid to speak, afraid to break whatever spell we’re under. I don’t want it to end. Cassian lays on his back and pulls me into his arms and I can feel how fast his heart is racing. I’m trembling, but it has nothing to do with the cold. Cassian pulls the comforter over us anyway.

“I love you, Feyre,” Cassian says. His voice is hoarse. Not one day goes by that I don’t hear those words from him, but never like this. Never in the act, never immediately after.

“I love you, Cassian,” I say back, my heart ready to burst in my chest. Even saying it feels different and yet… I feel like I’m finally breathing.


	4. Part Four

Cassian and I wake up when we hear Valo at the door. I try to push myself up but it’s no use. I hear Cassian laugh.

“I’ll take him out,” he says. He sounds half asleep.

“I can do it,” I say as I go face first back into my pillow.

I don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep until Cassian comes back to the room. He whistles.

“Wait,” Cas says and Val huffs. I hear Cassian undressing and feel the bed dip as he climbs back in. “Come on, boy.”

I smile as Val jumps up on the bed and promptly comes to try to lick my face. I’m surprised at how much it hurts just to move my arm as I reach out to pet him. Val walks over both of us before going to settle down by our feet. 

“You’re so warm,” Cassian says as he grabs me with his cold hands and pulls me against his chest.

“Oh my god, Cas! What the hell?!”

Valo barks as Cassian starts to laugh.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he says and presses a kiss to my shoulder.

“How?”

“Breakfast in bed?”

“Hm…”

“Oh, I think I know.”

Cassian pushes the covers off us both and I throw my pillow at him while he heads to the bathroom. Valo jumps on the floor, clearly bothered by the interruption. Sitting upright hurts more than it should. My entire body is aching, and my head-

“Fuck my life,” I groan. “Mor is going to kill me.”

I force myself to my feet and walk to the dresser. I make to take the wig off but see blue on my fingertips. But then I hear the sound of water running.

Cassian is getting the bathtub ready. He’s kneeling on the white rug with one hand in the water. I close the bathroom door and walk over to him, cursing the freezing tile floor. I hug him from behind, making him laugh.

“I got some of that weird shit you like for the bath. It’s with your stuff in the closet.”

I kiss his cheek and let him go. The bathroom closet is bigger than my own at the apartment. One side is all Cassian but the other is basically mine. I grab the light green one and when I walk back out, I show it to him.

“What’s this one do?” he asks.

“You’ll see.”

He chuckles and watches me set it down on the counter. I smile at him through the mirror. We brush our teeth together, and Cassian keeps me close to him despite there being two sinks. When we finish, Cassian goes to check on the tub.

“Want to help me take this off?” I ask and hold up my hands.

He’s incredibly gentle as he helps me out of the damn wig and he sets it down before untying my hair and running his fingers through it. He massages my scalp and I let out a sigh, leaning back against him.

“God, I love you,” I say softly. The way he tenses isn’t lost on me but he recovers and presses a kiss to the top of my hair.

“I love you, too, bunny.”

When the bathtub is ready, Cassian turns the water off and helps me get in. I sit down and raise a brow when I see him walk away.

“Where are you going?”

He looks at me funny. “To shower?”

“Oh… I thought-” I blush. “I thought you were joining me.”

Cas breaks out into a smile.

*

I smile as Cassian stands behind me and ties up my hair.

“You’re the best,” I say with a contented sigh.

“I know,” he whispers and leans down to kiss my neck and then my cheek.

I roll my eyes. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

Cassian laughs. His hands roam over my body and it’s not until I hear our niece say our names that it dawns on me that I’m only wearing his shirt and boxers.

“What are you doing?” Iliana asks and it takes Cassian a second too long to get his hands off me and step away.

“I’m cleaning up the dishes from last night,” I reply, wanting to shove my face into the freezer. I must be beet red.

“You look like mommy,” Iliana says as she climbs onto one of the bar stools. “She wears daddy’s clothes to sleep. Just like you wear tio’s clothes to sleep.”

“How did you like staying over tio’s house?” Cassian asks as he walks right over to her. She laughs as he picks her up and starts to throw her up in the air. Her laughter is contagious.

“It was fun!” she manages to reply. He sets her down on his shoulder and walks to the pantry. “Auntie Feyre and I got chocolate wasted. Daddy was wasted too, but it was on grown up juice.”

I snort.

“Since you’re skipping school today,” Cassian says as he opens the door, “I’m going to give you something.”

“What is it?” I hear her whisper loudly.

“Your dad and I would have this every time we cut class.”

“Which is why your dad and uncle needed your mom and I to help them pass,” I say and Cassian looks my way with a glare. I blow him a kiss and give him a wink. 

“Show me!” Iliana orders and Cassian disappears from view. I already know what they’re going to walk out with but seeing my niece holding two boxes of Oreos and Cas with the peanut butter still makes me laugh.

“I can’t eat this just yet,” Cas says as he brings her to the living room. “But you can…”

He sets her up with Sailor Moon and makes her a milkshake before he gets a start on breakfast. By the time Elain and Az wake up, I’m setting the table.

“Oh, nice!” I hear Az say and when I look towards the living room, I see him sit down beside Iliana who offers him an Oreo covered in peanut butter.

“You are responsible for her when she comes down from her sugar high,” Elain says to Cassian.

“It’ll be fine!” Cassian gives my sister a wink and she rolls her eyes.

We all sit at the table for breakfast- and as always, Cassian’s made a feast. I am not surprised when Rhys, Lucien and Mor show up in their pajamas.

“Oh shit, guys! Mor brought Andy for her very first Halloween hangover breakfast,” Cassian exclaims and Iliana starts laughing. 

“I hope this lives up to the hype,” Andromache says with a yawn. “I’m working for the next four days straight.”

“Feyre’s the lucky one, she gets this every morning,” Mor says as she promptly piles her plate high with food.

“_Almost_ every morning,” I correct her. Andromache smiles and accepts the plate Mor pushes her way. She tries the poached eggs first. Then the French toast. The morir soñando Cassian makes every time he makes hangover breakfast. Cassian has to make extra of that and when he leaves the table, everyone’s attention falls on me.

“What?” I ask.

“Oh… nothing,” Mor says teasingly and I roll my eyes.

*

After we eat, everyone gathers in the living room to watch Nightmare before Christmas. I take that moment to go put some pants on.

By noon, Cas and I have the house back in order while everyone else is asleep, or getting there. We take Valo and Iliana outside so she can run around with him while we clean up the backyard. Cassian chases them around and I can’t even be mad. I love seeing him with her.

“You’re the best,” Iliana says as Cassian lays out on the ground. She’s sitting next to him and twirling a loose strand of hair in her fingers.

“Better than tio Rhys and Lucien?”

She smiles and nods. Cassian pulls her in for a hug at that. Valo lays up next to Cassian, clearly wanting more attention.

“How come you and auntie Feyre only have Valo?” Iliana asks.

“She can’t have pets where she lives,” Cassian replies.

“No. I know that! I meaaaaaan when are you going to have a baby? A real one?”

It’s rare for anyone to leave Cassian stunned. Iliana waits but grows impatient.

“I think he’s malfunctioned, auntie Feyre.”

It takes a moment for me to speak, but when I do, I surprise myself.

“Well, your tio hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. And I’m still looking for a job.”

“You haven’t?” Iliana looks down at Cas and shakes her head with clear disappointment.

Azriel steps outside and Iliana forgets about Cassian and I. She jumps to her feet and runs towards her father before he’s even neared the first step. 

“Daddy! Daddy! Tio and auntie Feyre are going to have a baby after he asks her to be his girlfriend and she gets a job!”

“That’s… That’s wonderful, sweetheart,” he says as he picks her up. He looks at me and I just shrug. Az kisses Iliana on the forehead. “So we’re playing Super Smash-”

“Can I play?! If I beat tio Rhys again, I get twenty bucks.”

“That’s exactly why I came looking for you. I wanna kick his ass.”

“I won’t tell mommy you said a bad word,” Iliana says and Az smiles bright.

“That’s my girl,” he says and pinches her cheek. “So, let’s go over the controls…”

I watch them go back inside, already plotting against Rhysand. It’s far too easy to imagine Cassian just like that. But it isn’t Iliana he’s holding. I look over to where he is, still lying on the ground. I’m too afraid to ask why he looks as though he’s made a huge mistake.

I go back to folding chairs. 

*

I’m lying on my stomach on the sofa. I have one arm hanging off the edge and resting on Valo who is happily chewing on a toy. I love when our family is home, but it’s nice to sit in relative quiet. Especially with how bad my head hurts. Mor practically begged me to keep the wig after I told her I’d fallen asleep in it. Not because I fell asleep in it, but because of the events leading up to that.

I hear the front door open and Valo perks up.

“Daddy’s home,” I say as if he needs more incentive to haul ass to the door.

“Hey, relax!” Cassian exclaims and I laugh softly to myself. I see him walk past the living room with four boxes of pizza. The smell is divine.

“Need help?” I call, pushing myself up.

“No!”

I roll my eyes and go to the kitchen anyway. He has his back to me and is grabbing plates from the cabinet.

“What are we drinking?” I ask and go to the fridge.

“Whatever.”

I look his way and just sigh. I close the fridge and cross my arms.

“What is wrong? And don’t tell me nothing. You’ve been weird since everyone left.”

“Nothing is wrong,” he says and turns around, handing me a plate. I take it and put it down on the counter. Cassian sighs. “Beer.”

I get a beer from the fridge and use the hem of my shirt to open it. I hold it out to him and when he doesn’t take it, I set it a little too hard on the counter.

“Is this because of what I said?”

Cassian lets out an exasperated sigh.

“No. Nothing is wrong. Can we just eat?”

“You didn’t have to leave.”

“I wanted to drive. Sue me.”

When I roll my eyes Cassian walks past me and grabs his beer.

“I’m going to eat. I’m not doing this right now.”

“Doing what?” I ask but he keeps going. “Hey! Don’t you walk away from me! I’m talking to you!”

“I can hear you just fine.”

“I didn’t mean to shout,” I say, trying to keep my voice level. “But dammit, Cas. I am not Nesta. If you’re mad at me, tell me. Tell me what is wrong so I can fix it.”

That stops him. I hate to see him so tense, and hate the fact that it’s my fault even more.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything to Lia. But it doesn’t make it untrue.”

“That’s not-” Cassian sighs and turns around. He puts the beer down and runs his fingers through his hair. “It’s nothing you said. Nothing you did.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t know, Feyre… I just- I don’t know how to do this without worrying that I’m going to fuck it up.”

“Cassian…”

“I shouldn’t have needed our nine-year-old niece pointing out how fucking selfish I’ve been. You deserve better than that.”

“Better than what? You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. What could be better than that?”

He doesn’t answer me. So I walk towards him and hate that he won’t look at me.

“I meant it when I said you make me feel alive,” I say as I take his hand in mine. “And I know… I know no one is perfect and we’re going to fight. We’re not always going to be happy. But I know that because I have you. I don’t have to be perfect and happy all the time. And neither do you.”

He looks at me in disbelief.

“You have never tried to force me to be something I’m not. I didn’t have to hide how I felt just so it was easier to deal with. You love me when I’m at my worst. And I love you, Cassian. Good or bad. _Especially_ when things are bad.”

Cassian lets out a shaken breath.

“And you are not selfish. You’ve given me everything I needed, and that’s all I want to be for you.”

“You are. You are everything I need,” he says. “I love you, bunny. More than anyone, more than anything.”

I let go of his hand and wrap my arms around him. He kisses the top of my head before hugging me.

“I… I do want more. With you,” I find myself saying. “But if you’re not ready for that, I understand.”

“I never said I wasn’t.”

“You haven’t said that you are.”

He sighs. “That’s my fault. I’m sorry.”

“You want more than this?” I ask, pulling back to look up at him. I already know his answer by the look in his eyes, but he still speaks.

“It’s all I think about,” he replies. “I just wasn’t sure if you were ready, if you’d even want that with me.”

“Cas…”

“I’ll try to be better about _communicating_.” He says it mockingly but I know he means it.

“You’re an ass.”

Cassian grins.

“So… I ask you to be my girlfriend, you’ll make babies with me?” he asks and I laugh.

“Eventually,” I answer haughtily. “I mean, is it too soon for us to even think about that? Is that something you want?”

“With you? Yeah.”

I don’t think it’s possible for my heart to feel fuller than it does right now.

“Good. I want that with you, too.”

His smile is like nothing else I’ve seen before. He’s fucking beautiful.

“Why are you looking at me like you’re about to break out your sketchbook?” he asks.

“Because I just might. But we should eat first- it might take a while and I want to get it right.”

“No, wait,” he says and I raise a brow as he keeps me from walking away. “Bunny, will you be my girlfriend?”

I smile, bringing my hands to his chest.

“Really?” I whisper and he nods. I get on my tip toes and kiss him. “Absolutely yes.”

Cassian hugs me tight and we laugh as Valo comes running and bumps into us.

“Hey, Val. I love you, boy, but mommy and I have something important to talk about.”

Cas hauls me over his shoulder before I can react and Valo starts to bark. He carries me to the bedroom and kicks the door shut.

We forget about the pizza. 

**Author's Note:**

> The 'bunny' nickname comes from a fic I wrote and never shared where Feyre goes with the boys and their parents hunting one winter after highschool and she wants to try it out and ends up shooting down a rabbit (cuz you know, she shot rabbits down with arrows in the books) and he started making fun of her and called her that and it is so lame but it stuck with me and im not giving it up. ever.


End file.
